Who are you?

It’s a simple question, one that we’re asked quite often by strangers. Someone asked me this the other day, and after telling them my name the look in their face made me realize they wanted to know much more. Who am I? Well, I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a PR director, a runner, a blah, blah, blah. I’m a lot of things to a lot of people, as we all are, but who am I really?


It begs a deeper question that goes beyond our name: deep down, who are you? I’m not talking about your identity; I’m talking about who you truly are at the core of your being. When the makeup comes off, the jewelry is put away and you lay in bed at night just like every other human being, what makes you your unique self?

So often, we use our makeup, our clothing and our “things” to create a persona for ourselves. We think we’re fooling others by adorning ourselves with the most expensive this or the best that, but are we really fooling anyone? If all of our things were gone tomorrow, what would we be left with?

I sometimes feel like I spend too much time worrying about what I am to everyone else, rather than working on who I really am to myself. When it comes down to it, it really and truly doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. Why must we have such an overarching desire to fit in or to make others think we’re perfect and fabulous at every second of the day? It makes me tired just thinking about the work involved in achieving the impossibility that is perfection.

We sometimes hide who we truly are because we fear it will ruin our lives or make others dislike us. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I love Ellen DeGeneres. I love that she’s strong, self-deprecating and unabashedly herself, regardless of what others think. (That’s also why I love Lady Gaga so much, but that’s another post for another day.) Ellen has been very candid about the impact that truly being herself had on her career at one time: when she came out in 1997 on a Time magazine cover, she went without work for three years.

Yet, through it all she remained true to herself—even when it meant her career might be over. These days, she’s doing amazing things with her life. In the end, staying true to herself has paid off. That's the way it should be.

More than anything, I love Ellen’s message to the world. In a recent interview with Katie Couric for Glamour magazine, she said this:

“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth, and everything else will come.”

*SWOON* Isn't that fantastic?

So often, we hesitate to truly be our authentic selves for fear that others will judge, criticize or dislike us. I'm just as guilty as you are. How frequently do you say what you think someone wants to hear, simply so you can keep the peace? Do you just go through the motions, doing what others expect of you because it's easier?

I distinctly remember feeling so overwhelmed at age 18 when I had to choose what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Seriously, how on earth can a teenager possibly make such a life-altering decision?

What if I make the wrong decision, I lamented to my parents for months on end. What if I choose a path and I spend the rest of my life in misery, ruing the day I ever made my choice? It was, to say the least, the biggest decision I've ever made in my life. Looking back, I know in my heart that I made the right choice. My life isn't perfect, but I know that I'm right where I should be, living out my life's passion and doing something that I love. I made the right choice because I knew, in my heart, that I wasn't an accountant or a lawyer; I was a writer, a talker and if I didn't allow myself to be those things, I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

So, who am I?

I'm head over heels in love with writing

I always follow my heart, not my head

I never follow the directions

I don't think it could happen to me--whatever "it" is

I love deeply and quickly, but hold grudges endlessly

I worry--a lot

I'm clumsy, but only because I quickly rush through everything

I always believe that there is still hope, even if it's impossible


Here's some unsolicited advice: figure out who you are now, because if you don't, you'll spend your life being what everyone else wants you to be.